Young Adult Survivor: Jothy
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?You have zero chance of survival.? That is what my nineteen-year-old brain heard as my doctor told me that the cancer that took my right leg three years previously had now spread to my lung, two-fifths of which had also just been removed. What he probably said was, ?No one has ever survived once this type of cancer spreads through the bloodstream.? That was over thirty-five years ago. I survived. And then some.
My story is about what effect hearing those words has on someone?s personality and how one can not only survive, but also fight back, recover, and thrive. This is not a ?cancer book.? Those are written when the survival is new and fresh and the experience is raw. Instead, my story, told with more than a thirty-five-year perspective, is about human perseverance, adaptability, and strength. People ask me all the time how my personality of today would be different had the cancer, amputation, loss of a lung, and death threat not occurred. I try to answer that, but I do not believe anyone can say for sure what their personality would be like at age fifty if something had not happened to them at age sixteen or nineteen.
I am not famous and have not changed the world. But I have a story to tell, one that might help others. I was as devastated as one can possibly be after losing a leg at age sixteen, losing a major portion of a lung at age nineteen, having a year of chemotherapy, and all the while thinking I would die any day. I used athletics to redevelop self-confidence and became a double black diamond skier. I have ridden a bicycle, one-legged and one-lunged, from Boston to New York City three times, as well as 192 miles across Massachusetts seven times over a ten-year period to raise more than $100,000 for charity. I swim across San Francisco Bay every year in what is considered the most grand and intimidating competitive open water swims?also to raise money for charity. I have been married for twenty-nine years, adopted my wife?s son, and had two more kids, as well as one grandchild, all before I turned fifty. I earned a PhD in computer science, have written three technical books, and have started six high-technology companies. Two of those companies provided a return of more than $100 million each. I could not have done all these startup companies if I had not developed the will power, determination, and focus that came from what happened to me, and if people had not kept saying, ?I bet you can?t,? every place I turned.
Cancer is a devastating disease for sure. But in the not-too-distant past, polio was the most dreaded disease; it disabled thousands. What polio survivors always seem to have in common is a drive to excel in the face of physical disability. Studies have compared them to the hard-driving, over-achieving individuals associated with Type A personality. In the words of one survivor, ?We were [taught] to be tough and gritty. I did what was expected. . . . I needed to have a disciplined life with a no-quit attitude. That was what worked.? Lance Armstrong has said similar things about his cancer and how without his near-death experience and recovery he never would have gone on to win seven Tour de France races. I share these sentiments and feel that my experiences equipped me to tackle more and do better than I believe I would have otherwise.
I cannot say that I have ?cracked the code? on how to deal with adversity, the kind of adversity others have dealt with wonderfully well. However, many people over the years have told me that my story is inspirational to them. It took me a long time to look outside myself and my struggles and realize that I can motivate others around me. Maybe, by telling my story, I can shorten the recovery time for some people. I know I would have liked to know all of this when I was a sixteen-year-old lying on my back in the hospital, wondering what?if anything?I would be able to do next and wondering how?if ever?I could be ?normal.?
In addition to everything else, I have endured a psychological adversity that has never gone away: the negative aspect of the word ?considering.? No one wants to hear, ?You are good considering? in any circumstances. Whether it is because of gender, race, age, or a disability, ?considering? neutralizes what would otherwise be a strong comment, a confidence builder?a compliment. ?Considering? is a take-the-wind-out-of-your-sails word. It puts you in a different group, a separate group. People with any sort of disability or disadvantage do not want to be part of a different group. They work hard to be ?normal.? In fact, they have to work harder than the ?normal? people whom they are trying to join. But the truth is, their disability actually gives them an edge. It makes them more focused, more disciplined, more determined. But if their accomplishments are nullified with ?considering,? they are shoved right back into the unwanted realm of pity and sympathy. It crushes the confidence built up through all their hard work. ?Considering? is an insulting word. It demeans disabled people. It demeans minorities. It demeans children, women, ethnic groups, overweight people, the developmentally disabled, and on and on. I have heard the word all of my life. It has angered me and made me work harder. I have strived to ban it from any description of me, yet still I hear it.
Everyone falls into the trap and uses it, even friends. As in, ?You ski pretty well . . . considering you have only one leg.? ?You sure throw a ball well . . . considering you are a girl.? The examples are endless. ?Great job you were offered . . . considering you are black.? ?You ran that mile pretty fast . . . considering you are only twelve.? No one likes to deal with these put-downs, but the disabled can never escape them. The existence of the word ?considering? should motivate us all to shatter the boundaries the world places on us.
When someone tempers your accomplishments with the word ?considering? or rejects your aspirations with the phrase, ?I bet you can?t,? the best defense is to show them that you can and you will. My story is about how I did just that and the insights with which I subsequently emerged. If telling my story helps just one person, I will have achieved my goal.
My book Who Says I Can?t: www.whosaysicant.net
On-going blogging: Amazon.com and in major book stores. Soon it will be out in audiobook as well.
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